last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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