Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
