How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
