my sisters under your porch take her home
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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