is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize