I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
