I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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