Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
