I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
no, he came in my armpit
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
