His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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