Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
bring money and cleavage
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
