If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
