I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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