you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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