Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
