my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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