Swine flu. Run for my life!
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I want her autograph on my taint
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize