K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
