i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My liver just had a heart attack.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
