Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
