so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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