It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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