areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
