btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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