Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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