You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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