He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
