break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
