i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
