my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
