I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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