As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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