OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
