was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
