He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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