ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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