i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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