my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
