This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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