Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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