i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
