shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
