We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
