My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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