hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
