your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
