yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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