OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize