...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
