somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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