dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
