I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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