My brain says no but my pants say off.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
