They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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