Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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