What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
