it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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