**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
