the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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