When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
