i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
