i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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